There is a great quote from a fairly mediocre Jennifer Anniston chick flick (Rumor Has It)… where she is standing before her fiancé asking him to give her a second chance…
“… I can do this on my own. I really can. It’s just that I don’t want too…”
Sure… it sounds beautiful… Hollywood makes everything sound pretty amazing because the guy usually gets the girl in the end. But reality is that second chances at love with the same person don’t always happen and are rarely a good idea… because one never forgets the past. That has been my experience even though I do believe in second chances.
So I hold onto that quote… not because I don’t believe in second chances but because I still believe that in this lifetime – I am more than capable of doing this journey on my own… I just don’t want too. I would much rather have the company of a loving man to do it with. Not just any man… but My Man… the one that has yet to manifest himself.
A while ago, I heard on a few different occasions that I should consider the possibility that I might not find My Man in this life time and that I am destined to be without in this life time. It was very demoralizing and devastating to hear and I refused to even accept such a fate.
Earlier this year, I mistakenly ended up on a BBW Personals website while trying to access a completely different website. Now I don’t consider myself a BBW but rather a full-figured woman and scoffed at the idea of joining such a site… but what the heck – it does cater to all sizes afterall, emphasizing Plus Size figures.
At times, there’s no winning really because on other sites, I am considered too big while on this site… comments have been made that I am not BIG enough…. LOL!!! Flattering yes… but strange. I have however, met some really amazing men – all with the potential of being My Man. And since I only want ONE man… the weeding out process has begun with the mindset of finding the most compatible man for me. The Laws of Attraction play an important role here and I have been sticking to what I’m looking for, while being slightly flexible. There have been a few fly-by-nights along the way… but … I remain hopeful to the process while being true to my heart and needs.
The very first man who caught my attention hasn’t been the easiest to make contact with. But recently, we finally started talking and getting to know each other. It’s been wonderful honestly. For the first time in a LONG time I actually am inspired by a man, I feel very humbled without feeling inadequate, softened and very grounded. He has had this affect on me. It’s a beautiful feeling. When I think of him, the song “Feels Like Home” by Chantal Kreviazuk comes to mind. My smile is a bit wider and softened these days. I think I will let him stay for a while…
I feel beautiful. I am not making any claims about the potential of tomorrow with this one. I am simply enjoying the moment – for if I could bottle this feeling, I would. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring and after learning the hard way not to plan ahead for there are no guarantees and rarely, second chances…
I am simply content at letting myself feel what this amazing man makes me feel and reciprocate that same feeling for him the best way I can. I can do this journey on my own… but why would I want too when I could have someone do enjoy it with??? Especially if he can make me feel like this, and I could do the same for him???
Today, my day seems a little brighter than it did when I woke up… and will welcome the rain that is threatening to appear – for I found a feeling of being Home. Thanks to a wonderful man.
“…It starts in my toes
makes me crinkle my nose
where ever it goes
i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go…“
~ ‘Bubbly’ by Colbie Caillat