Posted by: ~KC~ | October 12, 2007

Sins of Our Fathers & Mothers

They say that the moment you are born, the moment you pass thru the birth canal, daughters take on the sins of their mother and sons take on the sins of their fathers. 

I completely agree with this statement. 

For the moment a daughter is born to her mother, she instantly is imprinted with the insecurities, issues, shortcomings of her mother.  And the moment a son is born, he is imprinted with the shortcomings, deficiencies and issues of his father, borne onto him from his mother.  Oh certainly, you also take on what is good but we spend a life time trying to live up to issues that aren’t ours in the first place instead of living up to all that is good.  The guilt set upon mankind – regardless of your faith – to honor thy mother and father – can be stifling and immobilizing at best.  Sucked into a vortex that most never really find a way out of, pulled into a never-ending spiral of deception and pain.  All based on an emotional imprint that is ‘gifted’ onto us even before we take our very first breathe. 

As adults we have choices to make.  We can choose to be the individuals or to be victims of circumstances.  We can choose to show our future generations that they are not required to bare the emotional scars bestowed onto them by us.  Boys aren’t responsible for the shortcomings of their fathers, to live up the image that their father’s are supposed to have created.  A son will also take on the image that his father creates, the perceptions on life.  A mother will teach her daughter how she is to be in a man-made world, regardless of how evolved the women-race has become.  Most of these imprints are instilled by the age of 3 yrs old. 

That 3 year old will then spend the rest of his/her life trying to be what he/she isn’t really about.  Their own unique journey is now compromised and tainted… paying for the sins of their mother and father.  The vicious cycle is never ending. 

And so we learn to relate to our adult experiences from what we learnt as these children, bearing a burden that was tattooed onto our energies.  We relate to love from how our mothers and fathers loved, especially each other, being the bearer of their shortcomings.  We relate to love based on our very first love affair with our father/mother, for they are the very first resemblance (or lack thereof) of love a child will ever know.  All future love experiences are based on that very first love experience.  And all future experiences are based on emotions and moments imprinted on us as children.  (Of course, there are exceptions to the rule – where chemical imbalances or mental/emotional instabilities/diseases can override the best of circumstances) 

My first experience to love was an interesting one at best.  Even as a child, I fought my father – I mean tooth and nail.  I was a mommy’s little girl.  My father was busy raising my brother since I came very shortly after my brother was born.  I didn’t have an early relationship with my father.  And so – the day came when my mother went away overnight and I was left with my father, alone.  As the story goes, up until that point, my father couldn’t come near me with a ten foot pole without me screaming bloody murder.  And on that night, my father’s determination meant that I would fight him as only a 2 year old knows how.  As he picked me up, he held onto me, strong and steadfast, as I screamed, bite, scratched, kicked and cried.  For a long time.  My father held onto me until I fell asleep in his arms, albeit tired and a little banged up, he never let me go.  It was a battle of wills… he won that war.  And so the imprint that was left was that love was a battle… to be won.  Only a few years later, the other great love in life died.  I was only 4, shy of turning 5 yrs old.  And my father emotionally shutdown, grieving the loss of the love of his life, and penniless (no life insurance).  So I lost love early on in my life.  My step-mother was a violent woman and I bare the scars of her ‘love.  Finding love has been hard and painful.  The impressions left on me, paying for the sins of my parents meant that I would in turn struggle like they did. 

So I made a decision a few years ago.  That I would change the outcome.  I wouldn’t be a victim of circumstances, despite what was imprinted onto me.  I would re-program those impressions and create a new image for myself to focus on.  It also meant that after once again fighting my father’s love (at the time controlling and stifling, a grip a bit too tight) for a long time, I realized that I would have to heal the first impressions of love I had… and that was with my father.  Finding forgiveness wasn’t easy… for it meant I had to not only forgive my parents for their shortcomings, but forgive myself for living a life that was not my own. 

I’m trying dammit.  I really am trying to change the outcome.  But I am Sagittarius and we aren’t the most graceful beings in the world.  It’s a lot like walking around in the dark half awake.  I have more scars and bruises from my own fumbles than those left imprinted on me by others.  But I am healing that first love experience.  I have my father living with me.  I am learning to know the man and not the father.  I am learning to be vulnerable… because to love is to be vulnerable.  I am learning to be strong in that love, in spite of everything this is bringing up.  Apparently, I have a lot of dirty laundry that needs to be aired out.  But I’m trying dammit.  I really am. 

I am working past the sins of my mother and father.  I’ll let you know what my new imprint looks like when I’m done painting that new picture… but it might be a while still before it’s all said and done.

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Responses

  1. Hi KC,

    I hope that you and your father are settling in well together and hopefully he can help you out with the house maintenance. I have been catching up on your posts and I love the photos in the previous one.

    I know it’s Friday there while it’s Saturday morning here…have a great weekend!

    Hugs and love!

  2. I think the individual ultimately decides for themselves if they want to walk in the footsteps of their parents. Just because you are someone’s son/daughter does not automatically put a stamp on your forehead that you will be just like them. You can pick and choose what qualities you what from each and take it from there. It starts with you taking a look at yourself and deciding how do you want to leave a footprint in this world and not just following the foot prints of your parents.


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