Posted by: ~KC~ | October 22, 2007

Because

He gave his all to a stranger.  Without reservation; without judgment; without conditions.  Unknown to him, he gave her everything she needed.  Unbeknownst to her, she got exactly what her soul craved the most.  And I believe, he got what he needed in return, each of us open to receiving these gifts.

 Earth angels do exist.  I met one this weekend.

The last 1.5 days were more real than I’ve ever had.  There was nothing fake about it.  It was all lay bare… and in the sanctuary of a hotel room… we fed each other with a need that was instinctual and natural.  Two strangers meeting at a bar – for what was seemingly to be a great one-night stand.  What should have been a ‘wham-bam-thank-you-mamm’ ended up being more spiritual than carnal.  What should have been animalistic and raw… was far more safe and releasing than anything I ever experienced in my life.  I found myself completely surrendering to this person because it felt safe.  And he opened up parts of himself that he recognized in me as being similar – and safe.  He did it on his own terms and I didn’t push him into more – for we all bare the scars of the wars we fought.  And they are securely hidden from the world’s plain view.  But he let me see them, ever so slightly.  Because it was safe and without judgment.  Making the physical more than carnal… heightened by an understanding that was not borne of the physical.

He saw me without judgment.  Both the physical and emotional.  He saw past the fake.  He saw past the façade.  And he still stood there, as I stood vulnerable in my emotional nakedness, steadfast and strong.  He understood my heart and struggle.  And he made love to that… to me… without words and without the physical.  I felt the love – far more than lust.  From a stranger.  I can no longer say that it doesn’t happen – love at first sight.  I was made a believer.

He didn’t ask anything of me other than to not be fake.  I lay bare my soul and to let him in.  He created a safe place for me to do just that.  He had no idea just how much my soul ached for it.  And I cried – exposing my weaknesses and vulnerabilities.  To this stranger.  And he didn’t think any less of me.  Instead he thanked me and appreciated my surrender.  He didn’t abuse it.  My heart and pain was safe with him.  As his, with me.  Always.  Thus making this weekend… the most incredible I’ve ever had.  So perfect in its simplicity.  Two souls so perfectly flawed, finding shelter in each other.  Without expectations.  Without judgment.  Without stress.  It was not sought after.  I was gifted onto the both of us.  And we seized that present… and stayed focused on each other for those brief, but exhilarating, moment.  We made the most of the freedom we felt, realizing that nothing lasts forever.  There were no real walls.  And there was no expectation.  He chose me.  I chose him.  We chose each other.  No false pretenses.

He spent an extra night at his own expense so that we could be together.  He was in town on business, originally scheduled to leave town Sunday morning but didn’t.  He stayed for me.  He stayed for himself.  But mostly, he stayed.  And I love him for that.

Loving without expectation is a freeing experience.  He relieved my heavy heart that has been burdening me so.  He pushed me beyond my own boundaries, my emotional ‘stuckedness’ (if such a word exists).  I know he was a gift and I cannot cage that.  I cannot ask for more than what I was given.  He lives 6 hours away.  We have means of communicating.  The recent job posting I applied for has the potential to bring me to him on the occasional business trip.  I will know soon enough.  But in my heart of hearts… to love him is to let it be what it was.  At least for the time being.  He made love to my soul.  And I let him.  I never let anyone do that before.  And I cried.  Because I needed him perhaps more than he needed me.  And he stayed.  Because he wanted too.  Because he chose too.  Because he chose me.  And I chose him.

Advertisements

Responses

  1. Hey Lady!

    I’m rushing off to work. I haven’t even read the above entry yet. Will read it sometime after work tonight. But I wanted to give you my number so you can call me.

    Just delete this after you get it, lol

    XXXXXXXXXXXX My cell.
    or you can call me at work today at XXXXXXXXXX or just ask for me!

    TTYS

  2. Absolutely amazing. Perfection in your imperfections.

    Where do I get mine?!

    ~smiles~

    It was great talking with you today. Thanks for calling. I’m looking forward to us chatting again soon.

    I’ll read up on you from time to time in the meanwhile.

    ~J~

  3. Oh my. Sounds great. Hopefully this is a to be continued affair but even if it was one magical weekend, at least you have that. Wow.

  4. Yowza! I think I need a cigarette, and I don’t even smoke.

    Seriously, this was beautiful, as always. Encounters like this don’t happen often, even with the people who supposedly already have intense connections. I’m glad you recognized it and appreciated it when it came along.

  5. Hi KC:
    I was so happy to see a comment from you in my space. Long time so see. I knew that you had sent that email out recently, because you were the one who had sent in to Shiobhan and she, in turn, sent it to me. I was curious as to why you had not sent it to me, but I guess I’m not on your mailing list. But, I found that the words in it hit the “nail right on the head”, so I decided to post it in my space.
    I totally agree with eveything you said in your blog about “banning smoking in cars with children in them”, and I’m a smoker. I never smoke in the car, even if there isn’t any children in there with me and I don’t smoke in the house. I live with my Mother and my boyfriend and they don’t smoke and I NEVER, EVER smoke around my grandchildren. I know from personal experience how second hand smoke can affect children. I smoked when I was pregnant with both of my boys, due to ignorance, …. my oldest son had learning disabilites all through school and my youngest son had acute bronchitis. Thank God he grew out of it and doesn’t suffer from it anymore. You have no idea the guilt that I carry because of what I did to them. If I had known then what I know now, I never would have smoked. I think that the money made from taxes of the sale of tobacco should be used to help those who truly wish to quit and are unable to. I did quit once, for 5 months, but then I started again. If I had been able to afford the “Zyban” that I was using to quit, I’m positive that I would have been able to quit forever. Maybe they could use the money to provide people like me with the “aid” that they need to quit.
    I’m going to hold off on commenting on this blog, also because of personal experience. I, myself, went through a phase of having one night stands and in the end, it almost destroyed me…so, of course, I’m not in favour of them.
    I hope all is well with you and your Dad and your new home…keep in touch.
    Hugs and Love,
    Diane

  6. Wow. . . I don’t know what else to say besides that.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: