He gave his all to a stranger. Without reservation; without judgment; without conditions. Unknown to him, he gave her everything she needed. Unbeknownst to her, she got exactly what her soul craved the most. And I believe, he got what he needed in return, each of us open to receiving these gifts.
Earth angels do exist. I met one this weekend.
The last 1.5 days were more real than I’ve ever had. There was nothing fake about it. It was all lay bare… and in the sanctuary of a hotel room… we fed each other with a need that was instinctual and natural. Two strangers meeting at a bar – for what was seemingly to be a great one-night stand. What should have been a ‘wham-bam-thank-you-mamm’ ended up being more spiritual than carnal. What should have been animalistic and raw… was far more safe and releasing than anything I ever experienced in my life. I found myself completely surrendering to this person because it felt safe. And he opened up parts of himself that he recognized in me as being similar – and safe. He did it on his own terms and I didn’t push him into more – for we all bare the scars of the wars we fought. And they are securely hidden from the world’s plain view. But he let me see them, ever so slightly. Because it was safe and without judgment. Making the physical more than carnal… heightened by an understanding that was not borne of the physical.
He saw me without judgment. Both the physical and emotional. He saw past the fake. He saw past the façade. And he still stood there, as I stood vulnerable in my emotional nakedness, steadfast and strong. He understood my heart and struggle. And he made love to that… to me… without words and without the physical. I felt the love – far more than lust. From a stranger. I can no longer say that it doesn’t happen – love at first sight. I was made a believer.
He didn’t ask anything of me other than to not be fake. I lay bare my soul and to let him in. He created a safe place for me to do just that. He had no idea just how much my soul ached for it. And I cried – exposing my weaknesses and vulnerabilities. To this stranger. And he didn’t think any less of me. Instead he thanked me and appreciated my surrender. He didn’t abuse it. My heart and pain was safe with him. As his, with me. Always. Thus making this weekend… the most incredible I’ve ever had. So perfect in its simplicity. Two souls so perfectly flawed, finding shelter in each other. Without expectations. Without judgment. Without stress. It was not sought after. I was gifted onto the both of us. And we seized that present… and stayed focused on each other for those brief, but exhilarating, moment. We made the most of the freedom we felt, realizing that nothing lasts forever. There were no real walls. And there was no expectation. He chose me. I chose him. We chose each other. No false pretenses.
He spent an extra night at his own expense so that we could be together. He was in town on business, originally scheduled to leave town Sunday morning but didn’t. He stayed for me. He stayed for himself. But mostly, he stayed. And I love him for that.
Loving without expectation is a freeing experience. He relieved my heavy heart that has been burdening me so. He pushed me beyond my own boundaries, my emotional ‘stuckedness’ (if such a word exists). I know he was a gift and I cannot cage that. I cannot ask for more than what I was given. He lives 6 hours away. We have means of communicating. The recent job posting I applied for has the potential to bring me to him on the occasional business trip. I will know soon enough. But in my heart of hearts… to love him is to let it be what it was. At least for the time being. He made love to my soul. And I let him. I never let anyone do that before. And I cried. Because I needed him perhaps more than he needed me. And he stayed. Because he wanted too. Because he chose too. Because he chose me. And I chose him.