This article got me thinking… because some might view my recent encounter as just that… a one night stand… and will judge me as improper, whore-ish, or whatever label one chooses to put on it or me. You will do what you have to in order to justify your experiences (or lack thereof) or belief system… to stay hidden and protected from hurt or the potential of pain… and therefore label me… even done secretly.
But if you really want to know… it was more than a one-night stand. It was a moment in time where two people connected … without expectation or strings attached. Where conversations surpassed words and touches. Where pain met healing… in the confines of a hotel room.
It was a beautiful moment … that simply served a higher purpose.
My morale imperatives remain unchanged and therefore, don’t feel the need to ask for forgiveness or feel ‘guilty’ for seizing an opportunity to feed more than the physical. I didn’t go into it hoping for more. I simply got more. I didn’t go into this looking for him to heal me… to fill the emotional voidance that unknowingly ceeped in. I didn’t go into this hoping the man would become my husband or life partner. I simply went because I wanted too. I am fully aware of the consequences and was prepared to live with them. And I am more than fulfilled with the outcome.
But I got more than that. And it did not kill me… it fortified me. It wasn’t equivalent to a handshake. I’ve had those… and like all things in life – even those serve a purpose. I didn’t lie to myself to justify my actions. I am not mourning my actions or the loss of what was and wasn’t. I don’t feel cheapened, or prostituted. I do not judge myself for this moment… even if some of you do. There is no need for that.
The things we do should mean something… and this encounter… although experienced in a beautiful hotel room, lasting only less than a full weekend… meant something to me. As the article paraphrases… “…though they would not meet again, they had made a start, a stab at significance…”
I’m sorry if some of you disapproved. Some of you don’t understand nor wish to understand – but it’s not for you to understand. Many who are steeped in the biblical perhaps prayed 10 hail Mary’s for me and for my soul and will never speak to me again. Thank you… but my soul is doing just fine. There was nothing biblical about it… it was purely spiritual and amazingly physical. And as much as I appreciated the emails warning me of the terrible things that could happen… I simply wish to tell you – please stop. I know.
I write from the heart. I write from experience. I write to share and to open the minds of others that there are times when the seemingly or supposedly ‘unworthy’ moments do not destroy but instead empower and brings to life. Your perceptions and expectations will dictate just how open you are to receiving what you need the most – and your need to control everything will limit you from receiving the most amazing gifts because it did not come packaged in a way you approve. What a shame that would be!!! And so I will continue to write… continue to live… continue to love and feel love in all in glory… whether you approve or not.
It was more than a one-night stand. I was a lifetime lived in a day and a half.