Posted by: ~KC~ | May 1, 2008

The Consequences

Yeah… don’t misinterpret my post on The Price.

No.  It’s not a case of once you go black, you don’t go back… wink, wink… nudge, nudge.


I find that statement complete absurd.  In fact, it’s offensive.  As though I don’t have a choice in the matter.


I have a choice.


Such a statement degrading honestly.  On so many levels, even if said as a wink wink nudge nudge.  Not only to me but to every person who identifies themselves as African-XXX.  Because it assumes that it’s only sexual… at least in the context it’s been presented to me.  It assumes that they are only good for one thing.  It assumes I only want one thing from them.






I’ve been on a few dates with about 6 different men since – since last fall.  Some have been with men of colour.  Others have been Caucasian, and one that you would mark as Non-White/Visible Minority box on a government form.  Even in my current dating sphere, the serial monogamous dater that I am.  One Fact remains:  I haven’t had sex with any of them.


Besides the fact that I am publicly stating I haven’t had sex in several MONTHS (pick yer jaw off the ground folks), I am getting to a different point here… because I am at a different place in my life.  This doesn’t put me above anyone else.  It just got me to view things in a very different manner.


If my preference was only about sex – I’d have plenty of opportunities to ‘tramp’ around.  And trust me when I say, right now, I have plenty of reasons to be wishing I was tramping around at this very moment.  ‘Cause when a woman has needs… she shouldn’t be shunned for them.  But the connection that I am seeking isn’t solely in the sheets… which has been recently implied with the above statement.  The connection I’m seeking is far deeper than the physical.  And although my preference is clearly stated in The Price… the idea of settling for anything less than the full package, basing it strictly on the colour of skin – because supposedly once you go black, you don’t go back… is even more absurd to me.


I’d rather be alone than settle for anything less than what I deserve.  I don’t care if you’re black, white, beige, yellow or purple – if you don’t bring you’re a-game to the table and keep it there … then See Ya.  Because I know you expect the same of me in return.  I’m an action kinda girl.  Words are just words.  In fact, words make us hypocrites… unless followed up by genuine action.  And that fact isn’t a race, creed or belief issue.  That is a human issue.


To say… once you go black, you never go back… is like just as ignorant as saying a black man only likes big girls… or being white is better than being black… or that all Islamic and Muslim nations are all terrorists… or that Jews are better than Christians… vice versa in all mentioned cases.  You might laugh at it, stating it as a joke… saying it to be funny.  You might not even realize its implications.  But to perpetuate these stereotypes is to give power to negativity.  And we have enough negativity in this world.  Words… have power… even if you hide them behind jokingly.


You can hide behind all the words you want, the jokes, the puns.  You can say this and that about this and that.  You can say you’re/pretend to not be this or that.  But… live your truths.  Look in the mirror and take a good honest look at what you see, feel and believe.  If you aren’t walking your talk… then shut the fuck up.  Because talk is great.  But you’re wasting time if you’re not prepared to act, and sacrifice.


I’m far from perfect… but I sure as hell know how to be honest with myself.  And I am sure as hell busting my butt off to walk my talk… and to get it right, change what’s wrong with me.  Because “The wisest man follows their own direction ~ Euripides”… you better make damn sure you know where you’re going and what and who you’re taking along with you.  Common sense, don’tcha think??



  1. Sorry, I have to perpetuate a stereotype here. I know, this whole post was about itemizing your viewpoints to the individual, but I am going to be a total cad and still insist that there are some that are legitimate.

    -Once you go single barrel, single malt, 12 year old scotch on the rocks… you truly never go back.

    Please don’t hate me too much.

  2. If life and people were like a single barrel, single malt, 12 year old scotch – on the rocks – life would be all that more simpler.

  3. It is for me.

    You know, you sound like you need a vacation. Why don’t you take some time off and head down to the Bar Slaves HQ in Huntsville Alabama? We promise that we will show you a good time.

    You might wake up spraypainted blue and wearing a fez, but that’s just one of the hazards of our nights out.

    You get used to it.

  4. AMEN to that… and I’ve always wanted to have blue curly hair!! Hmmm… but in Huntsville Alabama? Really? Who is ‘WE’???

    LOL… the distrust is a BIG indicator I need a vacation… amongst plenty of other things…

    14 more sleeps and I get to explore SA…

  5. “WE” is the rest of the guys (and assorted gals) over at the site. That’s pretty much the base of operations, but we spread ourselves out occasionally (like me being in Nigeria). We all travel excessively, but “live” there.

    It’s a pretty good time.

    Hey, I hope you have a great time in San Antonio. It’s actually quite nice this time of year, and pardon the dork moment but one of the coolest places to eat dinner is right there on the river walk at sunset. Hope you like mexican food!

  6. LOL… you’re good people Old Iron (I won’t say that too loud!!!).. I knew what you were talking about – I suppose the question is more in line with that I have no clue who ‘you guys’ are since your Space doesn’t say squat about the trueness of You. There’s no bios on the Bar Slaves. I suppose on purpose too.

    ANYHOW… I promise to lighten up… and hell yeah I love Mexican food!!! And if that makes you a dork to like eating diner on the River Walk at sunset… then make room on the dork meter… cause I’m a dork too.

  7. As far the post, good for you. I think you are right on track with the men thing. Then again what the hell do I know, I married the first guy I slept with.

    Have fun in San Antonio, I dig that city. If I ever had to move to Texas that is where I would want to live.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: