I feel as though the tides are changing. The last few weeks have been disconcerting to say the least… but I feel it in the pit of my stomach – things are about to change – for the better. And I am so ready for that. ‘Cause I’m not ready to throw in the towel, it’s not my time…I’m not going… as only 3 Doors Down sings…
I have a renewed sense of faith in myself. I just got tired of beating myself up. No – my current issues aren’t resolved but I’m THAT close to having them all resolved. Until such time, I do have to walk carefully and my hands are still tied… but the grip is loosened. It’s only suffocating if I let it. My horoscope these past few weeks have been telling me just the above… to hang tight. Help is coming… and it’s not as bad as I think it is. Not sure what renewed my faith… but today I am somewhat hopeful.
I didn’t notice or cared really if others noticed it either. Mostly with my coworkers. I’ve been hiding… trying to run under the radar – and not trying to be noticed. That psychological game manifested itself in the clothes I choose to wear… all black. Oversized. All black. Don’t look at me. Don’t see me. I’m hiding. I don’t want to be noticed.
So today, when I chose to wear a cute knee length girly dress and 3” peep-toe pumps… it made a few heads spin. And although it’s not my bright colourful usual work attire… it’s still a big enough change to warrant a few girly squeals of excitement amongst some of my observant coworkers. And although it is appreciated – it also makes me extremely uncomfortable to be put under the spotlight like that. I had hoped I could just transition into this shift without much ado. Alas… so, at the moment, I’m hiding in my cube. Writing, listening to music and working. Multi-tasking because I am multi-talented and unique, afterall. And most importantly – believing things are going to change. Because I know they are.
At the beginning of the year, my yearly horoscope (for Sagittarius) had made a few predictions for this time of year. And they are seemingly happening… well some of them are anyways. And it just lets me know I am doing what I’m supposed to do… weathering the storms to make it to where I am supposed to be. This past Tuesday’s New Moon also gave me some insight into what to expect and… so far… so good.
I get tired of myself after a while. I get tired of the gloom and the worrying. I get to the point where I don’t even like being around myself… so I can imagine what its like for others. I told myself last night – that I had until I woke up to ride that pity train – and when I wake up… I’m getting off. ‘Nuff already.
Someone unexpected came along and pointed me in the right direction. I had asked for a change and there this person was… and I am eternally grateful for his generosity. It’s now up to me to make the best of his generosity… and get my hands dirty until I get the change that I want. I’m even more blessed now that he is someone I now call a friend. And I look forward to the time we will get to spend together at the end of this month. So far, he’s shown himself to be nothing but a kickass guy. He makes me smile. And he reminds me of who I used to be … and who I liked to be.
How do you repay someone for such an unexpected gift?? No clue. But it’s just the beginning and I figure… there’s still time to come. Maybe… he likes Canadian imported goods??? LOL… I promise not to give you cold snow… I’ll come up with something much better… even if you say it’s not necessary. At a min… you have my friendship… and I don’t give that freely. May it mean the same to you as yours means to me.
Anyhow… I got new tunes on the mp3 to keep me bopping (currently playing… Don’t Want No Short Dick Man by Baltimore Club… and that makes me bop and giggle at my desk). Got a cute dress and a renewed attitude. Summer is acoming… and after a lot destruction – its time to rebuild.
And that my friends, is exactly what I’m gonna do.