They don’t worry me, whatsoever.
I am who I am – a woman in progress.
Take it or leave it.
But I am always curious.
Because for so long, I’ve been told I am intimidating.
Especially in the work environment.
I suppose when one doesn’t know someone, hasn’t had time to read words via blogs or cyberspace… it’s easy to simply jump to conclusions.
But I am far from intimidating.
At least I don’t think I am.
I am determined.
I walk with a purpose… even if it’s a casual stroll.
Especially in a work environment, I am much more serious.
I am confident in my stance and knowledge.
I speak with confidence, even when I’m bullshitting.
I am direct, to the point when I need to be.
But I also wordsmith and choose carefully, especially in a business atmosphere.
I learned and was tutored by the best there is.
Don’t let them think anything different.
The thing is…
I do believe that someone who is more uncertain would see me as intimidating.
A newbie would see me as overwhelming.
I’ve been told that I’m intimidating and at times, overwhelming.
And it wasn’t said in a negative context but in that to them, my wealth of knowledge is overwhelming.
But once they get to know me… they see that, yes – I do mean business and I have things to do… but I am also a big giant, clumsy, heart-on-her-sleeve goofball chick… who just happens to know what she’s talking about… and is full of life.
I’ve been trying to be more conscious of that first impression.
Not because I worry.
Not at all… but because I don’t believe that is really ME.
And I don’t want people to be intimidated by me… unless of course, I want to intimidate the shit outta you… then that’s a whole different story.
But I don’t want the average person that I come across day in, day out… to believe that.
I want people to feel that they can approach me, rather than be intimidated.
As I am about to approach the job hunting/employment market… I am more conscious of this than ever before. And yes – I do want to be perceived as knowledgeable… but not intimidating.
I also have to work on my patience skills.
I do get exasperated with the nonsense questions… asked over and over and over AGAIN!
To me – its common sense… and I get really frustrated that someone else just doesn’t get it. I take notes when I’m learning something new and refer to them at all times… so why don’t others? It’s aggravating honestly.
Especially after being told for so long that because I don’t have a university degree (and I only have a measly Secretarial Studies certificate) that I am useless… and that someone with a University degree is that much better than me… BUT they can’t make sense of something simple and common… THAT pisses me off.
Apparently… that’s not really nice.
To feel that way.
I do my best to curb that… but like I said, I wear my heart on my sleeve and it’s hard to hide at times.
Because I have become snarky… especially when someone is hired as a result of nepotism or who they know rather than skill/knowledge.
It’s a piece of fucking paper… ugh.
Show me the brains that got you that piece of paper dammit!
I digress. I know.
It’s a big sore point for me.
ANYHOW… I have to work on my patience and tolerance levels.
Because when I’m really busy… I am to the point.
I said – borderline… I am also a professional.
I try to catch myself and soften the initial blow… even apologizing for it when I deem it to be rude.
And I’m no push over… regardless of where you are on the organizational chart. Respect is earned… I might respect the position you’re in… but if you’re an ass, you won’t get my respect. I might be the minion that does your job and makes you look good… but don’t treat me like shit.
I know when to bite my tongue… to pick my battles.
But it gets ugly when I bottle it up… so I try not to do that.
I guess… I don’t consider myself as intimidating, overwhelming or challenging.
But… this is why I am curious about others first impressions of me…
Because when it boils right down to it…
When you are looking in the mirror … you can’t ALWAYS see your flaws, unless someone points them out to you. And although it might not be a FLAW per say… any and all areas for improvement, I take them.
I just am always a little surprised when I hear that someone I met for the first time… when I smiled a great big smile, shook their hand… calls me intimidating. Overwhelming. Perhaps at the end of the day… it isn’t really ME… but the fact that I’ve been doing what I do for so long… there’s a lot information and knowledge that comes with me. And THAT could be more intimidating to someone than the goofball that I truly am.